joshmjohn
From Reading Family Church
Hi all
(I seem to have caused problems as someone else has a similarly titled song... sorry for duplicating and reposting)
My first ever post on worshipcentral (though been following since it began). Here's a song i've just about finished. It's called Victorious, focusing on Christ rising victorious from the grave. The words are:
Verse 1:
You came to this world you so loved
You carried our sin
You paid our great cost
You died so death's hold would be lost
Creator was slain
To beckon us home
Pre Chorus 1:
In the grave your body lay
Creation waited for the third day
From the grave you rose again
Bursting out on the third day
Chorus:
Victorious, victorious
Victorious You are
Your kingdom come, Your will be done
Forever, forever
Verse 2:
No longer condemned by our sin
Your spirit now dwells
In those you've redeemed
Now all that we boast of is Christ
Of Him crucified
Pre Chorus 2:
Now we see an empty grave
It's been empty since that third day
New creations, found in Christ
For you rose up on the third day
Bridge/Pre Chorus 3:
Now we see the risen King
Conquered death on the third day
The King of Kings, the Lord of Lords
Undefeated on the third day
I did this at work so excuse any poor singing/guitar playing, didn't want to disturb my colleagues too much.
Thanks for any comments/identifying any poor theology, hoping to get this song recorded for our church's new ep so cheers for any help in getting this finished
Josh
Twitter: @joshmjohn
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Cheers Daniel for the kind words, glad you liked it
Yeah i had wondered about the PreCs, will have to see how they go down, might take it down a semi-tone to help with the octave change.
Thanks for the comment
Hi Josh
i really love most of the words to this song, the only thing i would say. i have said it to a lot of songwriters on here.
there must be another way of saying (your kingdom come,your will be done). king of kings lord of lords is very traditional. because these are the most overused words in worship songs over the years.
depending what church you are part of. can you find a different way of saying maybe more contempary modern way.
Hi Josh,
First of all, great use of the 'third day' concept to structure the song - it really works! Those lines that end in third day' are really strong lyrically. I love what you've done melodically with them as well - the first line of each is low-key, giving a bit of build up, and then the 2nd more celebratory - great!
I personally think you could leave in the lines King of kings and Lord of lords and Your Kingdom come, your will be done - yes they've been used before, but I think the more central a 'truth' is to our faith, the more you can get away with re-using it! It's good to sing out straightforward, uncontested theology and these are biblical lines.
If I can be nitpicky (which is a good sign - people only get round to nitpicking when there's not much else to criticise!) the line 'new creations found in Christ' is grammatically a bit odd just because the line before was about the tomb and now you've moved onto describing us without any introduction. Maybe something like 'we have been remade/reborn in Christ' or We've been made alive in Christ - but it's not going to make or break the song
Really good job, well done!
Becky
エルメスは、フランスの会社で、エルメス アウトレット社が展開するファッションブランドの事です。エルメス ベルトエルメス社は馬具工房として創業したが、自動車の発展による馬車エルメス ケリー バッグの衰退を予見し、エルメス プリュム鞄や財布などの皮革製品に事業の軸足を移して成功しました。現在でも、エルメス 財布 ケリー馬具工房に由来するデュックとタイガーがロゴに描かれています。エルメス 財布デュックは四輪馬車で、タイガーは従者のこと。エルメス 指輪主人が描かれていないのは「エルメス 通販は最高の品質の馬車を用意しますが、それを御すのはお客様ご自身です」という意味が込められているためだそうです。エルメス バーキンは人気の高いファッションブランドですね。中でもエルメスバーキン バッグは男女共に人気のあるファッションブランドです。エルメスバッグでもエルメストートバッグ・エルメス ケリーバッグが人気のある商品ではないでしょうかエルメス ガーデンパーティ？
バーバリー アウトレット【BURBERRY】はイギリスバーバリー マフラーを代表する世界的なファッションブランドバーバリー マフラー アウトレットの一つです。創業者であるトーマス・バーバリー 通販は農民が汚れを防ぐために服の上に羽織っていたバーバリー マフラー メンズ上着をヒントに「ギャバジン」といわれる耐久性・防水性に優れたバーバリー 店舗新素材を生み出しました。1924年には有名な【バーバリー コート】が誕生。コートの裏地としてデザインされたのが起源で、バーバリー トレンチコート1967年にパリのショーで発表された傘にバーバリー マフラー・チェックを裏地以外で初めて使用し、その後、バッグやバーバリー マフラーなど様々なファッションアイテムに使用されました。バーバリー バッグ現在はカラーバリエーションBURBERRY バッグも最初のキャメル／赤／黒／白だけでなく、様々なカラーバリエーションを展開しています。バーバリー マフラー ピンクは、映画「ティファニーで朝食を」やバーバリー マフラー「カサブランカ」でピーター・セラーズ、 バーバリー公式サイト オードリー・ヘプバーン、ハンフリー・ボガート、バーバリー マフラー カシミア元英首相ウィンストン・チャーチル、ら数々の著名人が愛用したことでも有名BURBERRY マフラー。また、1955年にはエリザベス2世のロイヤルワラントを授かり、バーバリーブルーレーベル1989年には英国皇太子によって認証を授かっており、バーバリー マフラー 巻き方イギリス王室ご用達でロイヤルの称号を持っています。現在ロゴとして「バーバリー マフラー 値段」と「Burberry's」の二つが存在するが、バーバリーブラックレーベル後者は2000年の変更以前の製品についているバーバリー マフラーものでありそれ以降は全て「バーバリー マフラー ウール」に統一されています。
New Song
Nieuwste forumberichten
Hi Josh,
I really, really like it. It works very well and has some outstanding lyrics and phrases which give a new perspective. The bridge and chorus are very accessible and easy to pick and I'm sure the verses would be as well with a couple of listens. You can certainly see where it's going. It's great musically. Like the chords!
Just some things that I thought might be worth keeping in mind (not changing, just keeping in mind). Several prechoruses can often prove difficult to pick up. But I love the lyrics in them and it's kind of a key part of the song so definitely keep them. Some people would also say going up an octave in the prechorus might be a bit much but I think it works and, with a full band behind you, it would be so powerful in getting people to declare together.
The only thing I would have changed is in the second verse where it says 'dwells'. I'm not a big fan of that word, simply because I find it too archaic and church-y. I'd change it to 'lives' instead but it works well either way, just personal preference for me, I guess! Same thing with 'Those You've redeemed'. I'd have it as 'Those that You've saved'.
That's nitpicking because it's a seriously great song. If you get chance, I'd start using the chorus in your church (if you haven't already) as I reckon it would go down a treat.
Keep up the good work!
Daniel :-)