Becky W
From Church Lane Evangelical, Stafford
Hello -
any and all feedback welcome, but a point I'm particularly wondering about is whether the tune has a few too many 'twiddly' bits, for want of a better word - and do they make it tricky to learn? The recording's kind of quiet, turn your volume up if you don't think it's playing!
How could the guilty be made good?
How could their charges be unmade?
How could both truth and mercy stand
Until sin's wage in Christ was paid?
No other sacrifice would do
No life but Christ's could free my own
No love but his could bear the cross
No other Saviour bring me home
A crown of thorns was on his head
Worth more to me than one of gold
Blood for my cleansing on his back
More costly far than shining robes
For at the cross, my sentence failed
From every wound my pardon flowed
Jesus has paid my whole life's debt
Death has no power, the law no hold
This work was God's from first to last
I played no part but to receive
God's wrath was mine, his love was Christ's
Christ took my fear and I his peace
I gained God's favour, I his grace
I gain new mercies every day
Christ takes the honour, Christ the praise
Christ takes my heart now and always
Thanks for taking the time to feedback!
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Hi Becky
i prefer this song to your last song, this one has more of your experience with christ. you seem to have a gifting as a hymn writer.
i really love your words, i agree with Richjens suggestions as well. keep on writing songs as good as this.
Thanks to both, especially for the specifics Rich, some good points!
Thinking of changing those lines to 'For here my sentence passed to him', 'I gained God's favour and his grace' and 'Christ took my guilt and I his peace' (the reason I had fear in there in the first place was cos I wanted to get the emotional equivalent of peace in)
Becky :)
Completely agree with Richard.
- Love the guitar part - don't change it!
- If you are planning to use this for a congregation, have you considered the accented suspension on lines 1,3 and penultimate line (sometimes called a Scotch Snap). Listening to it first, I was unconvinced, second time is better, so perhaps it might just grow on me.
David
Hi David -
thanks for your input
could I get you to explain scotch snaps again? Bear in mind I know nothing of music theory beyond grade 2! looked it up on the internet but can't work out where it features in my song - which words does it come on?
Becky
Hi Becky,
Sorry for being unclear!
I mean the ends of line 1, 3 and 7, where you change chords/melody on go-od, st-and and cro-oss, changing chords from C - G. I'm suggesting that you just keep the G for the whole word/bar, may be changing the melody accordingly. You do this in other stanzas (for example on the word failed) which works really nicely. From my personal point of view, the C-G change could be distracting, though others may think it's really nice!
I think this would work well as a congregational, it's nearly there! Have you tried running it past a worship pastor / leader or someone's opinion you value?
Thanks,
David
p.s a scotch snap is a reversal of a quick dotted rhythm. For example if you have dotted quaver followed by a semiquaver, a scotch snap would be a reversal of this.
hi becky,
really lovely song here, as the other guys have said.
i think the melody is fine, i really like it.
im not overly convinced on the how could the charges be unmade line or the Jesus having our blood on his back idea either.
also im not a theologian but im not convinced about the explanation of Jesus atonement in these lines, "God's wrath was mine, his love was Christ's, Christ took my fear and I his peace", maybe your pastor will be able to comment on those bits better than i can.
really strong and original idea tho,
have you tried it out with your church?
God bless,
gav.
Thanks David - that makes more sense! I'll ask a few other people what they think of that chord change and take a vote! I haven't tried running it past anyone 'official' at church, only friends - I'm fairly new at my church and only just about feeling settled enought to do something like that. I might run it past the pastor soon though, I trust his theology!
Gavin - thanks for the feedback! Mmm I had my doubts about the charges being unmade line myself, I just couldn't think how better to phrase it. The other line you mentioned - I never meant Jesus having our blood on his back, I meant he had his own blood on his back (from where he was whipped), and that that's what makes us clean. To me that seems theologically sound - or did you mean it could be put better?
About this line: God's wrath was mine, his love was Christ's, Christ took my fear and I his peace
Rich has already commented about the word 'fear', which I think I'm going to change to guilt or maybe shame. Looking at the theology of it again, maybe I shouldn't say his love was Christ's (because God's always loved me too, that's the point, and this line implies otherwise). So what about
God's wrath was mine, his favour Christ's, Christ took my guilt and I his peace
Is that any better?
Nope, not tried it out at church yet for reasons above, I'm hopefully going to be involved in the worship team in a month or so's time though, and then maybe... we'll see what happens. If not, I'll let it sit for a few months till I move to Sheffield. It's not going to go mouldy.
Becky
I love the hymn feel of the song. Very well done! I agree with many of the previous comments... I had an idea about the charges being "unmade." How about "withdrawn?" It might fit a bit better the legal-courtroom feel of the opening lines.
I really like this song, its the sort of thing we'd use in Church whilst the offering is being taken up, something quiet and reflective. Keep writing!
New Song
Nieuwste forumberichten
Hi Becky
This is fantastic!! The lyrics are really fresh and full of good theology. Yep, the tune is a bit twiddly in parts, but it could be simplified for congregational use.
There are a few lines I'm unsure of:
1) "For at the cross, my sentence failed" - I don't know what you mean by 'sentence failed'. Our sentence didn't really 'fail' at the cross it was transferred to Christ, so maybe there's another word you can use here?
2) "Christ took my fear and I his peace" - it would perhaps be better to say that 'Christ took my sin'? Or something along those lines. 'Fear' is a little vague?
3) "I gained God's favour, I his grace" - the phrasing of 'I his grace' is a little awkward. You could maybe go for "I gained God's favour and his grace"
Richard
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